A Haunting Memory
When we started this initiative we got a lot of mails saying people want to share their stories anonymously on the blog. So we start with this story where the victim is happy to be safe but the day has become a haunting memory for life
In her own words….
Its past 2 am and she lies awake..Try as she might,she cannot sleep.She is haunted by the memory of that day again.
It was a pleasant day,spent leisurely squabbling with her sister.The phone rings,the callers asks when her dad is expected home,she tells him..why should she not?She has known him for so many years. A little while later,the doorbell rings. She opens the door.Its him,the caller,smiling at her.She informs him that Dad is not due to arrive for another hour.He smiles and tells her,he has come to see her. After the formal questions of Chai-pani done with,he asks about her sister.Sister is taking a shower,it being a summery evening.She offers to call up her dad,he stops her by tugging her hand!Pulls her to a sitting position ,on the couch right next to her.She moves away..he moves towards her..still not letting go of her hand.She knows there is something wrong with the way he is squeezing her hand.
She manages to free her hand and rushes inside to call her sister..Sister is being a brat and refuses to come out.She goes out and sits on the single chair opposite to him,carrying on polite conversation,all the while her heart is beating so fast,she is sure its going to burst!
He beckons her again,this time with just a gesture of hands.Asks her to sit on his lap!!!She looks at him incredulously and says aloud”WHAT??” he shushes her.Now, she knows there is something positively wrong.Her heart is beating very scared.She goes and tells her sister to COME out THEN! Sister comes up with a better plan and comes out and announces that they have to go out. He tells her to let the sister go,while they can spend sometime catching up.This time she absolutely refuses. Seeing that he is not getting anywhere,he finally left.
She is feeling miserable.There was something so wrong in this whole situation.She is feeling guilty,like she might have encouraged him in some way.She doesn’t share it with her sister,still feeling guilty.But it was her baby sister..and she wanted to keep her safe. All she wants to do is climb into her Mumma’s lap and curl up into a ball and cry ..cry her heart out!But she couldn’t do that..coz mumma is not around anymore..it had been 6 months since they bade her the final goodbye.
She tells her sister to go out and play and she herself locks the main door and goes next door to her best friend’s house.The friend’s mom took one look at her face and knew something was wrong.She came and hugged her and asked her what it was..And the dam burst.There was no stopping her tears then.She cried and cried and told the entire episode to the friends mother..Her adopted Mother..The mother cried with her too,fuming at HIM and holding her all the time.How could she not, when she had promised Mumma before she left for the hospital,one last time, that she would take care of her GIRLS?
The Mother also scolded the girl-as to why didn’t she ask him to leave? Why did she open the door in the first place?
The girl replied-“How could I not?He is my dad’s friend and his daughter is my friend!”(This friend and the best friend are different individuals)
The Mother spoke to Dad and told him about this whole thing.Needless to say,the GIRLS were told never to open to door to anyone..even if it was an uncle!And they never heard from HIM.HE would even change his paths if he saw them.
And that night,as she lay in her bed..the images of that day played and replayed in her mind again and again.She tried to imagine different endings to the scene..but everything let her feeling cold.The thought of what would have happened if the sister wasn’t home,sent a chill up her spine.
She is woman now and has a daughter of her own.As she watched her beautiful baby sleep,she was filled with anger and remorse all at the same time.She vows to protect her baby,no matter what..she is going to prepare her baby,she is going to tell her about these predators,she is going to make sure her daughter is not naive like her!
As her eyes well up with tears,she scoots closer to her husband,who is instantly awake and asks her-“what’s the matter?” “remembering that day again..what if sis was not home”..Husband just holds her close,hugs her tight and repeats over and over in her ears,”you are safe,I am here with you”
Will this memory ever stop haunting her?I think NOT! But,she surely knows,that she is one of the lucky few..
I believe it is very tough for a child or young adult to react to a known older person. Its much easier to deal with someone, who is our own age, or age-group, but older men or even women as the case maybe, are much more difficult to deal with, simply because we grow up in a culture, where talking back to, or being rude to an elder is not acceptable behaviour. It is extremely traumatic, I can imagine, and I am happy that you made it through the day without being physically affected.
I agree with what u say but yet more often than not its a known person who breaches the trust 😦
And these are the times when I wonder why the statement “Respect is not demanded its earned” applied to elders in our society?
This gave me goosebumps. Bl**dy ba****d. How dare he try to take advantage of someone? That too his own friend’s daughter? A$$h*le!!
Pal most studies that more than 50% of the absures are known people even family members…
I agree with those words those are the only things that come to mind
I have been a victim more than a once and it hurts me even now when I think of it.. I still get tears in my eyes.. I have not told anyone about it.. As a child, my neighbour who was almost 8-9 years elder to me, molested me.. I did try to tell my mother in a different way, but just could not explain her.
Later on when I was in college one of the relative(cousin Masi’s husband) tried to molest me.. I hate these two men.. Now when I see that relative of mine, I only get feelings of hatred and anger. Feel like slapping and kicking him hard…
Not sure whether I should send my complete story to this site!!!
hugs anon we understand what u must be feeling right now.
Do send ur story to the blog, it will be published as anon and in my personal experience talking abt or writing abt it heals self
Also a sense of collective anger will make us all individually stronger!
We agree, which is why we mooted the concept of having a CSA month in the first place.
Dear Anon,
I am sorry,you had to go through this. I do hope,you will share your story here with us..I am saying this-because sharing this story here,and hearing back from all these people has made me feel a little bit better in the sense that it was that A@##%# who was wrong and who wronged me and that I didnot lead him on in any way..and reading all these other stories,make me realise..there are so many people in this world,who might want to/need to hear these stories,to make it stop for them..or to empower their kids to fight with this!
Hugs
Got goose-bumps. Glad she was safe. Whew. In this case, the girl was believed and steps taken by her and others around her to keep her safe. Many are not that lucky.
A thought, tho’. While talking about good touch-bad touch…I wonder if it would be a burden to them and scare them needlessly to tell them “about predators”? Some kids are easily scared, or very imaginative or suggestible…I’d like to see some blogposts address this.
Isn’t it a better strategy to keep repeating about parts of bodies that are private, what to do if they feel uncomfortable or threatened with anyone, and how to be assertive and stay safe etc, without frightening them about these predators?
very very relevant point Starry. I am worried not to get carried away too, because infact some children maybe more sensitive, or get imaginative……. Its such a thin line between making them aware and scaring them really!
yeah I think most parents avoid the topic thinking the child is not ready yet, he/she will get scared.
yes starry I agree with that kids might get scared
as GM says its a thin line, I think its in a way u tread the topic… make them aware and still not scare them
hopefully we will seeing some posts touching upon this in the month
That was spine-chilling. My parents told us that we were never to open the door to anybody but them, not even to other close family members. Thank god they had such an understanding neighbour so close by.
Sadly many kids in this country didnt have 😦
im relieved that the adults in this story were so understanding. sadly, a whole lot would just blame the kid.
a very very very sad truth roop
I am so glad she managed to get out of the monster’s clutches and that she had an understanding neighbor. I shiver thinking of what she went through.
Shail, absolutely. Children without a mother or a father are particularly susceptible.
OMG !!!! That gave me goosebumps….And I can understand how such memories haunt a person !!! Many hugs to the writer !!
Thanks for writing in Uma, true, these memories not only haunt the victim but also impact their self esteem, their future relationships as adults.
What kind of asshole takes advantage of a child that is still grieving after losing her mum? These are the beasts for whom the eighth level of Hell is for.
Absolutely Deej, but that’s what these vultures prey on. Vulnerability.
This might be a funny question, but I take it her Indian husband supports her when it comes to the abuse she endured?
I was told by my mom and my ex-boyfriend (who is Indian) that most Indian men wouldn’t touch a sexual abuse survivor with a 10 foot pole-Due to virginity and family honor being so important.
Can anybody tell me if this is true or do you disagree?
Nolongerslave – what you have heard is not too far from reality. There do exists men who wouldn’t accept abuse survivors.
And this is exactly what needs to change, the fact that the victim is seen as the culprit while the abuser is let free.
But a lot of men like her husband are supportive and understanding. Things are changing in India. The pace is slow but change is happening.
The men in my immediate family (father, uncles, brother, husband, brother-in-law etc) have shown themselves to be both protective and proactive when it came to CSA. They are all Indian. I will not speak for Indian society at large but I will say that these men helped make me the strong person I am.
That is so wonderful Sue, may their tribe increase. Sadly though, they are definitely in the minority.
I can understand where you are coming from,nolongeraslave! And sad as it is, most people would put family honour before individual well-being..
I was lucky to have a father,who never discussed it with me, but made sure my abuser was kept away from me.
I was also lucky enough to meet a guy,who believed in me and my story. He chose to be with me,even after knowing this.We had watched a movie together-Monsoon Wedding and after that I told him,about this incident..and another one that had happened and he was the most understanding about it-he is the reason,I am able to talk about this today,without going down in dark recesses.And thanks to him,I am now a person,strong enough to fight ANYONE who tries to hurt my kids..NO MATTER WHO THAT IS!
I am so glad,the neighbour believed her..like a lot of you mentioned,most times the child is too scared to approach the adults,because they are scared,they will not be believed..and that what makes the victims even more vulnerable.