CSA Survivor Story – 5.
He was a helper in her uncle’s house and she used to call him as Bhaiya. The Uncle’s entire family used to treat him more like family than as servent and so she did the same when he came to live with them to take care of her unwell grandfather. It was her paternal home , her parents were in another town and she was there to study.
She was not really a child then but a late teenager. She used to talk to him like a family member , share stories from her college , smile and was generally nice to him. It was one of those sundays when all the kids in the house were watching a late night movie together on TV and adults were asleep. He was watching the movie too. They were all chit chatting and enjoying the movie. And after the movie , she being the eldest had the responsibilty of putting her cousins to bed and then move to her room which she shared with a kid cousin. So she did the same. She was just winding up and about to switch off her lights when he came to the room and held her hand. She struggled to free it. The other cousin was there half asleep. But she dared not to shout. She could have called her aunt who was next door but she did not. He left her hand when she threatened him that she will shout and went off. She was left shivering. She latched her door , something she had never done before.
The next few months were scary as well. He was around in the same house and she was to behave normal with him in front of all. He did tell her that it was her actions that forced him to think like that about her. Her actions ? What did she do ? He quoted simple incidents which she never thought could have been taken wrong by anyone.She was surprised. She kind off thought it might be her thought. She was candid with him like she would have been with elder brother and he always thought otherwise. She did not tell anyone at home. Perhaps they would also think the same. He was a mere servant but they all trusted him like anything. Or perhaps it would cost her, her freedom. Who will take care of grandpa if he leaves. So many thoughts. Late in the night she wanted to go to the loo , but she was scared to unlatch and go to the common toilet. What if he is around.
Time passed and grand pa improved and he went back. He came again at her wedding. He joked that some day he would tell whatever happened between them to her husband. She said she doesnot care , she would herself tell her husband if need be. But she never really did. He was miles apart and she never felt the need. Then one day she heard of his death. Or now there will never be a need.
But still those memories haunt her. Now in mid thirties she still wonders , should she have told elders. Why did she not trust herself and her family. Why did she think that they might aggree with an outsider more than their blood?