CSA Survivor Story – 11.

This is the story of a bright young man, Kartik, who studied in country’s best engineering colleges, pursued all his passions – photography, film making, singing, odyssey in villages – in fact he had so many interests that was always confused about which one to pursue. Well confusion is one thing he had in abundance. Whether choosing between brown tie or red tie, or between taking a water break now or five minutes later!!

But little did he know that he would also be confused in choosing his sexual preference. He felt attracted towards males. He tells himself that he is not homosexual. In this storm of confusion, he fell in love with his best friend who was straight. Since Kartik didn’t feel emotionally attached to many people and not very frequently, so on getting no reciprocation at all, he feels devastated and decides to find out why is he like that. Why is he not like his father? Why does he not behave like his cousins?

At the back of Kartik’s mind there was always another fact that he shared with no one. He was perhaps six or seven when he would visit his village for the summer vacation every summer. That’s when it happened once. His uncle, his mother’s younger brother would make him perform oral sex. Kartik was too young to understand what that meant or felt. Kartik today tries hard to find an answer as to why he did not protest and at least tell his mother. But he fails. He does not recollect why he didn’t act back then. I mean if Kartik had been hit or slapped by someone, Kartik would have come home crying to tell his parents. Then why not this? Did that uncle threaten Kartik against revealing this to someone? Kartik does not remember.

Children generally share most things with their parents – someone close – mom or dad, but when these incidents happen, they seldom do. And there are plenty of children who have suffered. They pass childhood and adulthood, and these things are never shared or talked about. It becomes a personal dark secret.  I don’t know what it that prevents children from acting on it. Is it shame? Is it fear? At times I feel that emotions like pain on being physically hurt are quite obvious to understand. So if a child goes through those emotions, he would naturally tell someone. But when it is introduction into sexual activities at a very tender age – he or she is too confused to decide whether it is right or wrong, whether it should be or should not be done.

Now at 25, Kartik told his mother of those incidents. He was surprised that his mother was not aghast. She did feel bad and ask him why he didn’t tell her back then, but didn’t seem shocked to find that her own brother was so perverted as to do nasty things to her own children. Whatever happened, Kartik will have to pay price for the rest of his life, for no fault of his. But if a woman can’t trust her own brother with her children, who else can she trust? Has our society become as low as that of dogs, where the female dog is extremely aggressive and  protective about her puppies that she trusts no one and can bite just any one who dares to come near them? That uncle moved on in his life, got married, but did pay a price. His first son cannot hear or speak. Today, Kartik has a burning desire to ask that uncle how would he feel if his son is made to go through the same ordeal.