CSA Survivor Story – 14.

I envy those, dear mother, who can talk about their travails, I must ever be silent, as you slept, uncle violated me! Mother, you alone could have saved me, if your sleep had not been so sound! Mother, what can you do, when father touches me, you are so oppressed and helpless yourself! Mother, will you be able to protect me when eyes undress me when I go out to play?? You slept soundly after an eight course meal, you did not notice cousin took me to the terrace to play…You dreamt of lakes and rivers and happy times well spent, while I was condemned to live my life in agony such is my fate.

Mother, what you Can do is give me a voice, let there be nothing ‘secret’ between us,untold, believe in me, hear me out, see the signs, for it is always in the guise of friends that the predator comes. Mother, no one is born to suffer, suffering is piled upon those who keep mum, teach me mother to protest when I am wronged and never to give in or lose hope. I am innocent,Mother, it is them who are diseased, teach me to believe in that and help me to forget. Don’t sleep soundly in the afternoon, mother, unless you know that I am safe…. How will I complain, Mother, when I don’t even know what happened to me?? It is for you to see the signs mother and help me face the tragedy.

I gaze upon my child, mother, the world is my enemy! There is fear in my heart mother, I know not what to do.I look out for the signs mother, and with my child I am free. I talk with her a lot, mother and tell her to tell me all, I hope she escapes the plight, Mother, that on me did befall. I am in a lot of pain, Mother, and I will always be, when I think how happy was I and in seconds did they my life destroy. How, the enormity of it did slowly strike me, how each poisonous moment have I relived year upon year…how many times I have thought if only you were there….