A Father revisits the Horror – A Survivor’s Story

My first memories take me back to 1983 when I was just seven and in a hostel. Our beds were all attached. It was the another boy of my own age who felt me up. And wanted me to do so too. There were many such incidents in the hostel when boys of similar age group would feel each other at the turn of puberty. In my case this mostly was about feeling each other up and mutual masturbation.

 

Similar experiences also came my way outside of the hostel. Mostly older boys. Sometimes it was consensual. Sometimes it was forced. Sometimes I started things. Sometimes someone else did.

 

And then there was a male teacher who did so too. I would always go where he wanted me to and allow myself to be used. I can’t remember why I did that though.

 

When I was about 14, a neighbour who was supposed to be taking care of me did it to me. I remember it vividly and that was the first time when I actually realised the anger within. I know of one other person who was so used by this man. This man was in his 40s. My blood boils when I see them.

 

Then there was another neighbour. He was not much older than I. I remember willingly going to his house in the village. And he would push himself against me. But I did not feel as angry as I did with the other man. I still talk to him whenever I do meet him.

 

There was a boy about 6 years younger who would come home to play. I managed to coax him to feeling up. This happened a few times. He too would willingly come. I would share some nude pictures with him and allow him to feel me. And I would do so too. Although we hardly meet, we do so on good terms whenever we do meet.

 

There is a lot of anger in me. I am still a very angry person. And I am very worried about my daughters. I am not sure how this whole thing has affected me.

 

I am now 37 and father to two wonderful daughters.

 

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