Court roots for greater awareness on tackling sexual assaults on kids

A very heartening news this morning

The Bombay high court has pitched for greater awareness of the three ‘R’s–recognise, resist and report–to tackle sexual assaults on children. Justice Roshan Dalvi’s observations came while upholding the 10 years rigorous imprisonment awarded to a Raigad resident who had raped a nine-year-old standard III student seven years ago.

“It is when society, as also families, fail to follow these principles that offences of the kind alleged by the prosecution, in this case (rape of a child), take place,” said Justice Dalvi. The judge said that while such crimes were universal, in rural areas, sexual abuse of children was left unobserved. “It is, therefore, that the crime persists with regular frequency over the most innocent victims,” said the judge.

Read the full news here 

 

A Concluding Message from the CSAAM Team

And April is the Cruellest month (with apologies to T S Eliot)

It has been one roller coaster of a month. Something we had never anticipated when we started out this effort to bring the taboo topic of Child Sexual Abuse out of the closet and out in the open, a bid we thought, which would provoke discussion and debate and make some parents realise that they need to be careful. About who their children are with, what they do, to keep an eye open for any signs of probable CSA.

What we weren’t prepared for was the deluge of support. From NGOs working in this field. RAHI, Arpan, TULIR, thank you from the bottom of our hearts. By supporting us you endorsed our little effort to get a public debate raging on this issue. Then we had the experts who came in and gave us their time for twitter chats which encouraged people to ask questions. Onir, the director of I AM which has CSA as one of the issues in the film, Sanjay Suri who played the role of the adult survivor of CSA, Anuja Gupta of RAHI who brought in the NGO perspective, Harish Iyer, a CSA survivor who dispelled the myth that only girls are vulnerable, Dilnavaz Bamboat, Therapist for Sexually Abused Children who provided answers to concerned parents and survivors, Smriti Kaul from Koshishh who gave us the much needed legal perspective, Chandni Parekh, social psychologist and Suchismita Bose of The Foundation, for taking questions on CSA and how the NGO intervene and work with CSA victims and survivors.

The media, Midday in Mumbai (Sachin Kalbag, god bless you), Mint Lounge (Priya Ramani, honoured) DNA Bangalore (Shrabonti Bagchi, thank you), Times Life (Sarita Tanwar, god bless you), Bangalore Mirror (Sahana Vig, thank you), The Alternative (Aarti and team, thanks for your brilliant articles), South Asian Parent and Bubble Wrapped, thank you all for adding your voices to ours.

Blogadda, thank you for partnering with us, and taking our posts out to the blogosphere.

And for each and everyone of you, who wrote in with your stories, wrote posts on the issue, took time out to comment on our blog, who retweeted our tweets, who listened to us with a patient ear, thank you. A fact that we have about 200 posts and 1000 comments in a month does speak something

And finally, a big thank you to all the trolls who sent us kiddie porn, who accused us of running a child pornography racket, who insulted us and our children. Thanks to your reactions, we were sure we were doing something that was making a difference, in whatever small way it could.
Now, at the end of April, we close this initiative, with the peace of mind that comes from knowing, that yes, we have done our bit, we have raised our voice, and we hope we have empowered parents and survivors to take this menace head on.

Kiran Manral
At the end of April, all I have is a sense of release, from the demons within, from the sense of hopelessness that my little girl self still carried within me, the feeling of hurt and betrayal I have lived with. At the end of April, I have realised that I am not alone. There are millions out there, like me, and everyone has a story to tell. At the end of April, I know, I will try to be a more alert and less trusting parent than my own, god bless them. I hope the month of April has been as cathartic for you too.

Monika Manchanda

If I say that last one month has been the toughest yet the most fulfilling month I had in quite some time I will not be exaggerating. I went from being depressed when the stories started pouring in to a stage where anger started building up to a stage  where I thought I became numb and nothing could move me anymore to finally empowerment and seeing the side which experts showed me.

Its been a month I have learnt that I am not alone, that I was not at fault never was, Its been a month where I have realised that no amount of watching over kids can be excess, Its been a month where I have learnt a lot more about parenting and CSA and that when I thought I knew quite a bit before, Its been a month where I have pledged to myself that I will never let my child down God forbid if such a situation arise. In the past month I have finally managed to let go of the guilt that I was carrying on my shoulders since I was a little girl of 6, hope its healed you too.

Sunayana Roy
I spent the first fortnight of April getting more and more upset as the CSA survivor accounts poured in. Every time I thought I’d read the worst I could, something even more unsettling reached us. At one point though, the courage and strength of purpose of all these ‘victims’ shone stronger than their pain. And that’s when each new account became to me a description of the person’s strength, by detailing what they had overcome.
I’ve never suffered child sexual abuse myself but people who mean the world to me have. So thank you, all of you, for helping me fight my own demons.

Subha Raj aka Boo
As a child when I was battling with my secrets, I remember reading an article on Child Sexual Abuse in some magazine. I think I was around 15. The article was the first step in many which helped in my self-healing process. I can now confidently say that I’ve found my closure after my involvement with the CSAAM initiative for the past one month. It has taken me almost 20 years but I am at a place where I have found peace. With each survivor story, I ve grown stronger. With each expert article, I ve become more informed. With each post related to CSA, I ve drawn support. With each comment, I felt that we have made a difference. In Mon and Iya, I have found friends. With Kiran and Sue, it has restrengthened our sisterhood. Thank you all from the bottom of my heart. You have made a difference in me too.

Iya Bhatia Malhotra
This month of April will go down in my memories as one of the most poignant, traumatic and distressing months of the year. But at the same time it will also remain as one of the most satisfying and fulfilling one. When I joined this awareness drive I had some idea what I was getting into. But the experience has been far more physically and emotionally straining than I had perceived. This one month has made me a stronger and a more determined individual. And has given me a hope that yes we can make a difference. Maybe our children will now be safer than before, maybe the parents will be more informed and cautious. Maybe this horrid reality will soon be a thing of past. Maybe..

CSAAM Poll Results

Do you think CSA exists as a problem in India?

98% of the people said yes it does exist as a problem

What percentage of kids do you think are sexually abused in India?

50% of the people said its greater than 50% and almost 25% said its around 80%

Do you discuss the CSA topic freely with friends and family?

45% said Yes they discuss CSA freely with family and friends, 16% said no they don’t and 39% answered other and in which most responses were with close friends

If you think we don’t discuss CSA freely, what do u think is the reason behind it?

Most people think that society is not open to talking about it

Are you aware of the legal course one can take in the unfortunate incident of CSA occurrence

Only a small percentage of 14% said yes they are aware of the legal course, 39% said they are not aware at all and 21% are somewhat aware

Do you think the current law situation in India is sufficient to deal with CSA?

84% of people who took the survey think the laws in India are not sufficient for dealing with CSA

How important is according to you to spread awareness on CSA?

The responses ranged for saying its critical to very important. We are glad

What do you think is the correct age to talk to kids about safe/unsafe touch?

Most of the people think 3 is a good age to start talking to kids about the the same

Do you think your child’s school sufficiently understands CSA as a problem and take necessary precautions to prevent it

Sadly majority of the people think that schools don’t pay enough attention to CSA

Did you participate in the CSAAM?

Are you a CSA survivor?

61% of the respondents were CSA survivors

If yes, then CSAAM help you in any way?

It has helped some with sharing their stories and realising they are not alone and some said they already have support, we are glad

What part of the CSAAM campaign did you like the best?

Did you recommend CSA blog to others.

95% of people recommended the CSA blog to others. we are honoured

Would you like to see more such initiatives?

A majority of 93% people think that we should do more such campaigns

If yes, please suggest issues worth tackling?

A lot of issues came up see the attached pdf for details

Read the full survey results – CSAAM Poll

To Sum It Up – 23

I understood the feelings of shame and disgust I felt, but didn’t feel close enough to my parents to tell them. Probably because I understood that if I ‘told on’ these men, the repercussions would be severe, and I didn’t know whether my parents or I could deal with them. After all, it was about calling out the true nature of these men that my parents loved/trusted. How could I do that to them? I guess, I did not trust my parents with the maturity to deal with it. Or maybe I was scared of what their reactions would be.

Read the full post by M4 here

For four weeks, the girls and I have sifted through CSA survivor accounts, discussed legalities we never knew before, cried over accounts that touched hidden pains and taken heart from ones that showed the way forward. For four weeks we have stayed up nights and woken up early to mediate comments, schedule posts, track down blogpost by other bloggers, conduct TwitChats and exchange information withNGOs and other organisations. Four weeks of putting our lives on hold (most of the time), putting our families second, explaining to husbands what we are doing — and more importantly, what motivates us. We have received unexpected media support as well as support from many more people than we ever hoped for.

Read Sue’s full post here

And with this we conclude our cross postings for the month. Thank you each and everyone of you for contributing to the intiative. Its together we have made it happen and if by mistake we have missed linking to your posts please forgive us we tried our best to keep track of everything that came in

Thanks

The CSAAM Team

To Sum It Up – 22

October 19th 2006 – a day when hubby and I were entrusted with a little bundle of responsibility by the Lord Almighty, and then right there I had made a pledge. I had in my arms, a little baby that was born in this world in which molesters and paedophiles lurk around everywhere and no path is ever safe.

I don’t know why some people like to imagine that it does not exist, and that all is hunky-dory with this world. OPEN YOUR EYES, I want to scream. I want to shake such people awake to the gruesome crimes that are happening all around us, and turning a blind eye to it does not mean that all is well.

Read the rest of the post by Urmi here

It is hard to know that India emerge as the “hub of child sex abuse”, in order to protect child from such abuse the Supreme Court ordered the government to deal sternly with criminals and recommended a separate police wing to deal with Child Sexual Abuse. The court also advised the government to seek the help of NGOs in tackling the problem of Child Sexual Abuse. Here is a bloghelping people to understand about CSA and how to tackle it.

Read the rest of the post on FewMiles here

While we cannot be with our children, throughout their life, we need to teach them to dress well, protect themselves from getting into unwanted situations and more than that, to scream and shout and call for help. Theres nothing to be embarrassed by the scream, in cases of need.

Even though the Awareness Month has come to an end, this topic cannot rest.  Let the survivors come out and talk and heal their inner souls.  Let this be a beginning to an Awareness drive for those women and children, who need a helping hand.

Read the rest of the post by Uma here

Celebrity CSA Cases

Professor Dodgson wrote to one 10-year-old girl, “Extra thanks and kisses for the lock of hair. I have kissed it several times – for want of having you to kiss, you know, even hair is better than nothing.”  Who was he?

He wrote under the pseudonym Lewis Carroll, & Alice in Wonderland was inspired by Alice Liddell, a young girl he was fond of.

He wrote to one mother of a potential visit with her daughter, “And would it be de rigueur that there should be a third to dinner? Tête à tête is so much the nicest.”

He called the Alice books a “love-gift”.Dogdson was also fond of photographing young girls in the nude. Including Alice. Some writers, e.g., Derek Hudson and Roger Lancelyn Green, stop short of identifying Dodgson as a paedophile, but concur that he had a passion for small female children and next to no interest in the adult world.

Of his child friendships he wrote: “in a large proportion of cases, the [child-friendships] ended with the end of childhood”.

Here is a list of celebrities who have moved on from being CSA victims to survivors: http://bit.ly/fQRs3Q

Another celebrity who battled CSA accusations was the late Michael Jackson. Was he a sexual predator or misunderstood child man?

In 1993, Evan Chandler instigated allegations of sexual abuse of his 13-year-old child, Jordan Chandler, by Michael Jackson.  (All information we tweet now is without prejudice and taken from online sources)

Jackson and Jordan had become friends in May 1992. Evan initially welcomed and encouraged the friendship, and bragged about it. Evan took Jordan to Dr. Abrams and Jordan reported that Jackson engaged in sexual acts with him including kissing, masturbation, and oral sex^[1] and a description of what he alleges were the singer’s genitals.

Nonetheless, a strip search conducted by the authorities showed that Jackson’s genitals didnot match the description as provided by Jordan. Jordan Chandler’s mother told police that she did believe Jackson had molested her son.

All the details, which are too graphic for us to tweet, about the Michael Jackson case are here: http://bit.ly/dth5gQ

On November 25, 2009, Jermaine Jackson reportedly stated the 29-year-old Jordan Chandler came forward since Jackson’s death, admitting the late superstar never molested him.^[86][87]

 Actress Ashley Judd spoke about painful CSA experiences: http://www.cbsnews.com/8301-31749_162-20050977-10391698.html

And from the UK, pop mogul Jonathan King convicted for luring young boys: http://www.guardian.co.uk/uk/2001/nov/21/childprotection.society

Actress Julie Andrews too, was a victim of CSA: http://bit.ly/hv2Q0w

Director Roman Polanski is another person who has been accused of CSA, and in fact was under trial for having sex with a 13 year old. http://bit.ly/fl1WhD

The most horrific case in recent times is the Josef Fritzl case in Austria: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fritzl_case

In 2007, Akon drew criticism for a simulated rape with a fourteen-year-old girl onstage at a club. The incident was filmed by his crew and later uploaded to the Internet.

Gary Glitter, English rock/pop singer-In 1999, he was convicted for downloading 4,000 pictures of child pornography in the United Kingdom and was later listed as a sex offender. In 2002, he was permanently evicted from Cambodia for suspected child sexual abuse offenses. He then moved to Vietnam where he was arrested by authorities while trying to leave the country. Glitter was tried and convicted of child sexual abuse charges in 2005-06.

R. Kelly, rapper/singer-Top-selling R&B artist R. Kelly has faced many charges for incidents involving young girls. In 1994, 25-year-old Kelly married singer Aaliyah, age 15. In June 2002, a grand jury indicted Kelly on 21 counts of child pornography as a result of a videotape that showed him having sex with a 14-year-old girl.

Jerry Lee Lewis, rock’n'roller-In 1958 at the age of 23, he got married for the third time-to his second cousin twice removed who happened to be 13. The scandal caused him to all but vanish from the music scene, but he never faced any charges.

Message with Arpan – 30

Child Sexual Abuse- Healing Messages

Do not confront the offender in child’s presence as this might scare the child. Due to the fear that the abuser might harm him/her or their families’ children might feel pressurized to withdraw the disclosure of sexual abuse. Counselling is essential for children as well as for adult survivors.

With this we end our month long messages from Arpan and we would like to thank Arpan for the gems they passed us all.

Transcript for Chat with Chandni and Suchismita

Q : Could you tell us a bit about the work you do?

CP : I conduct workshops on sexuality education with adolescents, mostly in schools. As a part of this, I talk about child sexual abuse.

SB : I work with an NGO that works at three levels – awareness, rehabilitation & advocacy. On twitter, it’s @TheFoundation01

Q : C – do you think schools in India are aware enough? Are teachers trained to handle the issue of CSA?

CP : No, I think most schools grapple with not knowing how exactly to address the issue of CSA or deal with an abuse case. I only conduct workshops in schools that invite me but I’ve heard of schools refusing others who approach them.

Q : Thats a sad state. I’ve noticed that schools get very defensive even for minor issues. So it doesnt come as a surprise to me.

CP : It is. So, it becomes more important for parents to encourage schools to talk to their kids or invite a trainer.

SB : Schools today are becoming aware of the importance of talking about this issue but that’s a very small percentage. I’ve had school principals telling me the issue of CSA is very important but they fear about parents’ response.

Q : C, do you interact with parents/teachers in the wkshps u conduct?

CP : Usually, I only meet a couple of teachers and the school principal before my session. I don’t train the school staff. I write a letter to parents of the students I give a talk to & share a bit about the session, the feedback & some tips.

Q : S, how common is CSA in the children you work with?

SB : @TheFoundation01 hasn’t done too many workshops with kids directly yet, but statistics say more than 50% kids’ve been.

Q : Does Foundation help with the healing process in kids too? How do you handle it?

SB : Yes, @TheFoundation01 provides therapy to both child & adult survivors of CSA & guides them if they need legal help. Most of the clients who have come to us have been male so far! We also have a panel of psychologists who help us.

Q : C, when you conduct your workshops do you come across children with CSA experiences?

CP : At the end of many sessions, a few girls have come to talk about the inappropriate/abusive touch they’ve experienced. Last month, 5 Class 8 girls told me about their ‘chipkoo’ school music teacher and how he was touching a few kids. A teacher told me that the girls who were not selected by the music sir for an event were the ones who had complained!

Q : C, did this feedback go to the school authorities? Was action taken you think?

CP : I had 2 longish chats with the teachers. They said they’re more alert now. Also, that they found it hard to believe.

Q : I’m glad the girls were brave enough to tell u. Kudos to u for earning their trust. Thats tough isn’t it? to earn kids’ trust.

CP : Students are wonderful. They share easily, ask questions easily. It’s the adults who mess up in so many ways. Sad.

Q : C, isn’t this tendency to find it ‘hard to believe’ something schools should work on?

CP : Yes. And other things too. Most schools are unaware about CSA NGOs. School counsellors too feel ill-equipped to deal with reported cases.

Q : C, what do you advise these girls to do? For eg, tell their parents, etc

CP : If you’re worried/confused/scared by the way someone touches you or makes you feel, tell an adult you trust about it.

Q : How do you know if a child is telling the truth or not? Has there been any situation when you did not believe the child?

SB : A child rarely lies about sexual abuse. Only if s/he is coached by an adult to do so and that’s rare too.

Q : S, are people willing to get legal help in CSA cases? Isn’t there a tendency to brush things under the carpet?

SB : Very few people want legal help due to lack of an efficient legal system. We hope the new bill is passed this year.

Q : We had a survivor story where the person came to know that her mother had been abused as a child. she did not know whether to talk her mom about it. Any suggestions to help her?

SB : She should very sensitively sit and talk to her mother about it and suggest meeting a counsellor.

Q : Thank you S, how sensitised are our police and hospitals to dealing with CSA victims? What is required?

SB : Not sensitive at all. Doctors don’t know how to react and police are extremely insensitive. Awareness work needed. Thankfully, our founder @RahulBose1‘s support always helps @TheFoundation01 to take steps that’d have been difficult otherwise.

CP : Every individual has a role to play in ensuring that kids & older people do not get abused – sexually, physically, emotionally. Those on twitter can help CSA NGOs – @TheFoundation01, Arpan run by @poojataparia, @TulirAgainstCSA, etc. – become more active/effective on twitter.

Q : S, how does one approach @TheFoundation01 if one needs assistance?

SB : You can mail us at suchismita.thefoundation@gmail.com or call on 022-23521641,9870989834

CSA Survivor Story – 47.

With this below post, we come to the end of the Survivor Stories. It does nt mean that the battle is over, of course. We are sure for every story that was shared here, there are a hundred more where the Survivor chose to be silent. We hope by reading this series, it made a difference to the fellow survivors and also created awareness among others. We are glad we are concluding with this brave story.

Thanks for all your support,

The CSAAM Team.

I would like to share the following incident which happened in my life on Diwali day last year. I wonder why it happened to me, was it a co-incidence or God ensured that I am there at that moment to protect a child

Diwali is “Festival of Lights’ for Hindus , it indeed turned out to be one for an unknown teenager and my daughter this year. I was driving back from a friend’s office pooja along with my daughter, It was late evening, 8 p.m precisely and I was dressed in a saree wearing heavy jewellery and my daughter in a traditional salwar kameez. My daughter is all of 19 and was grumbling that I did not buy her a new dress for Diwali.  So I stopped at a mall close to my house. We went to check the place unfortunately the shop was closed and we were coming back to my parked car. My daughter observed a boy walking very close to us and she cautioned me, immediately I turned back and knew there was trouble and held my daughter tightly and faced the boy. This boy in-turn turned around and walked past me. Meanwhile there was another girl, who was coming in front of us and this boy molested her all over in a second. The girl was too zapped to react so was my daughter. I was stunned and stood still for a second but immediately on a reflex action chased the boy on the main road. There was no other vehicle coming and thank god there were no side lanes for the boy to disappear. I am shouting at all people standing on the main road to catch him but unfortunately he was running very fast. Cunningham Road is a one way lane and I was chasing the boy opposite the traffic. Thank God there was a traffic signal and there was absolutely no traffic so the chase continued. My daughter fortunately running behind me stopped a motor bike and requested the driver to help me. The motor bike man turned around and came behind me and urged me to sit on his bike. Both of us chased the rogue boy and stopped him at a junction. The rogue boy was caught by few men standing at the junction. Immediately I cried out to all of them to hold the boy. The boy was finally caught and I was screaming at him like a possessed animal. The reality hit me then to look for my daughter and when I turned around I saw my daughter along with the girl who was molested running towards me. All the passers by asked me what happened and I went on re-telling the story. Each one of them was beating the rogue boy. When I questioned him as why he touched that girl, promptly the boy replied, ‘I did not touch you or your daughter, why are you all beating me” to this I took my chappal and gave a whack on his face.

My daughter immediately called the cops and they reached there in exactly 5 – 10 mts. The rogue boy was so powerful and strong that inspite of getting beatings from many passers by  he was roaring like a tiger trying to free himself from the trap. I am begging all of them to hold the boy till the cops came as I saw the crowd thinning and was scared where the boy would left scot-free. Thank god, the cops arrived and they took him to police station. They asked me to follow them to lodge a complaint.

I was ready to go to the police station and I saw 3 sets of men actually accompanying me to the station. 1 set went along with the cops, others walked me to the car park where I had parked my car and came along with me to the police station. Before getting into the car I decided to drop the molested girl home but the girl insisted that she would accompany me and my daughter to the police station. All of us went to the station to lodge a complaint, but unfortunately the cops refused to go ahead and requested us to drop the matter. I along with my daughter, the girl and all the men nudged the cops but they did not budge. Our fight ended there, it was 11pm and I thought we should drop the act and take the kids home.

I do not know whether this was a bold act by me, but I know deep down in my heart that I empowered my daughter and the molested girl to stand for their rights. I had a lot of friends, office colleagues who commented that it was a stupid act by me, but I do not care as I will continue this fight for any child.

Raising Children to Question Authority By Suj

Last summer, a friend and I were talking about her daughter and how boisterous and assertive she was and my friend related to me her mother’s advice. “Curb it, don’t kill it,” my friend’s mother had said to her, referring to the girl’s spiritedness. Wise, pithy, memorable.

It got me thinking about just how much we try to mold and reshape our children’s personalities to suit whatever social situation we happen to be living in. In the process, it is more than likely that we have, unintentionally, eroded their natural-born instincts and replaced them with a set of rules for what parents and the rest of society consider “ideal” behavior for children.

When my son was about two years old, we talked about nutrition with his pediatrician and he had some great advice that has stood the test of time – he said to pick our battles with our son and that food was not to be one of those battles. He said that as long as he was eating nutritious food, how much he ate should be left entirely up to him. Shortly thereafter, I read that children are born with the innate ability to tell when they are full and should therefore stop eating. But by the time they turn six, many of them have lost this ability because they are constantly told by parents and other family members to finish what is on their plate. In forcing themselves to eat in order to obey their parents, they no longer can recognize the signals that tell them when to stop eating. This of course, has terrible consequences for the children later on in life.

I bring this up here because I believe that similar forces are at play in how children relate to relatives, friends and acquaintances of the family, particularly to the elders (such as parents, and uncles and aunts) and older friends and family.

Many of us have experienced first-hand or have heard stories from tired parents of the “terrible twos,” when toddlers seem to morph from angelic infants into monsters. I am no psychologist, but it appeared to me that at that age my children were not only trying out their newly-found independence by climbing on things they were not supposed to, by running in the opposite direction when I called them and so on, but also checking out for themselves their just-discovered personalities and testing how they relate to the people around them. “No” became their favorite word and most times it sure felt like they were merely curious to see what my reaction would be.

It is at this stage, I believe, that we, as parents, have a tremendous opportunity to shape our children into confident, assertive individuals. I know that my first instinct as a parent was to demand unconditional obedience; my reaction to a “Why can’t I do it?” would be, “Because I said so.” Life does seem easy that way. No arguments to deal with, no need to spend energy crafting thoughtful answers to pesky questions.

But, as my friend’s mother cautioned, I was in danger of killing their spirit and messing with their instinctual responses to situations and leaving them less prepared than they otherwise would be to deal with life’s challenges. By insisting that children listen to me no matter their instincts, I would be well on my way to eroding their ability to listen to and trust what their hearts and minds were telling them.

Children must be brought up to know that their opinions hold water, that their questions are valid, that they can trust their instincts and act upon them. In a world where numerous people have authority over their sayings and doings, children must know that in certain circumstances, disobeying elders is not only all right, it is the only response.

When it comes to child sexual abuse, it is widely known that the abuse occurs at the hands of people – family, friends, neighbors, teachers, religious ‘leaders’ – that are familiar to children, loved by them, trusted by them and those that are in positions of authority in relation to them. Abusers tend to test the waters first and proceed when they find no resistance. Abuse at the hands of people familiar to the children tends to occur over long periods of time.

The confidence in the children to disobey and resist is more likely to come not only from knowledge about the circumstances in which disobeying is the right thing to do (“good touch, bad touch” discussions) but also from an atmosphere of openness at home where spiritedness and a questioning mind are not squelched. If, god forbid, an instance of abuse should occur, it is also more likely that children in such homes will report the incident to their parents promptly.

I’m with you. None of this is easy. Children need discipline and need to be well-behaved, but where do you draw the line between disciplining a child and allowing a child to explore his world unfettered? How do you make sure that when the time comes to talk to them about the dangers that lurk in the world that they don’t become fearful and cynical of all of life? If they don’t learn to obey without question, might they lose their way?

It may not be easy. Or obvious. Or the results guaranteed. But all we can do as parents is teach, nurture and try to raise kids with spunk, kids who are not afraid of authority. And be deeply engaged in their lives and know the people in their lives for as long as it takes.